“You are not a good mother”, Pascale Zaourou was told by her husband. “We can’t have another baby if you don’t manage to take care of the ones we have.” The reason for this reaction: She forgot to make braids for her baby daughter. Pascale Zaourou suffered from psychological domestic violence. A violence invisible for outsiders, that slowly sneaks into the marriag . It is a means to humiliate and dominate, to put under pressure. Pascale Zaourou released herself from this marriage and now, she wrote a book about it. “Les bleus invisibles” (Invisible bruises) is a collection of poems that she has written about her experiences, about the cycle of psychological domestic violence. The poems contain parts of her personal diary. “I’ve always written about my experience. One day, I write a piece, the next day, I write another one. And one day you’ll read them and think: Oh, that’s a lot.”

With her new book, Pascale wants to help women who are in a similar situation. “Here in Luxembourg, many people are expatriates. They don’t have their parents here, their family. Often, the husband is their only friend here. You don’t talk about it and you start to feel guilty. But you must know: It is not your fault! You are not guilty.”

I got to know Pascale Zaourou as a strong woman. She is an inspiring person with a radiance of positivity. She is the author of two books, the president of the Clae associations platform and a fighter against inequality in this country. “I am a lioness”, she says.

Psychological domestic violence often touches strong women, those who might be ashamed to admit that they are in an abusive relationship. “But to win this fight, you have to talk about it. You must see that this relationship doesn’t define who you are. It’s only a part of you. Once I released myself from this marriage, I became my true self. And this book is my victory over him.”

In our interview, Pascale told us about her new book which is due to be published on 31 August.

If you think you might be in an abusive relationship, psychologically or physically, get help. You’ll find information and contacts on www.violence.lu.

The Fondation Maison de la porte ouverte offers an online questionnaire that can help you to find out if you are in a violent relationship: www.relation2test.lu.

The service Umedo can help you to collect evidence for psychological violence against your partner. www.umedo.lu

Psychological violence is a crime according to the national laws.